This is Only a Test.

It is almost 2013 and good riddance to 2012.  2012 tried to kill me and my friends.  A High School friend lost her little nephew when he fell headlong into the washing machine undetected and drown.  Another friend lost her funny, smart, beloved husband to an aggressive form of brain cancer.  I, myself, had a Third Degree AV Block which is a serious form of electrical heart failure. I had a temporary pacemaker inserted. Twice a day they would turn the pacemaker down to see if my own heart would begin to beat, but it didn't, so twice a day I experienced what it was like to die.  My heart would stop and I would begin to lose consciousness. I now have a permanent pacemaker.  I was reliant on it for the first few weeks but now I do not use it and have it "just in case". I was home from the hospital for about five minutes before a freak storm came through and ravaged the flat roof over our bedroom.  We had to sleep on the floor in the living room for three weeks until it could be fixed.  My High School boyfriend had a seizure in the middle of the night because of his MS meds and suddenly passed away leaving two absolutely beautiful and adored daughters behind.  Another friend had a massive heart attack during a tennis match that she did not recover from and as if it couldn't get any worse for her poor family they were actually ROBBED during her funeral service.  Her parents' home, which was occupied alone by her very sickly father who couldn't attend the service, was robbed by a woman claiming to be a friend of their deceased daughter's and then her cohorts actually smashed and grabbed purses out of cars parked at the grave site service.

What is up, 2012, you big, big tool bag?

Hearing the doctor tell my parents that I nearly could have died was the oddest thing that has ever happened to me.  To see so many people lose their loved ones and yet to think that 'there but for the grace of God go I' is life altering, to say the least.  Why wasn't it me that died?  What do I have left to do here on Earth that I need to accomplish?  I feel like I owe it to those who passed away to use the time I have been granted to do something enormous. I am so blessed and lucky to still be walking around on this planet, to be able to kiss my kids, to walk my dogs and hug my husband that I feel obligated to use the crap out of the time I have left.

The other day I struck upon this idea.  The idea to spend 2013 focused on other people.  People who need help, people who need me.  Maybe I don't have much to offer and maybe because of my physical limitations I am not able to lift boxes at the food bank every day of the upcoming year but I should be able to do something.  Anything.  Just one thing every week.  Even if it is a small thing, like drop off cookies to a friend.  And maybe I can't fly to New York and go and help people who have lost everything to hurricane Sandy but I'd like to.  For now I can do what I can, with what I have, where I am.  And hopefully others will join me.  I'd like to think that over these deaths maybe a group of us can ban together to do things for others in 2013 and see a ripple effect for the positive.  Because there are people out there robbing people at their children's funerals and nannies hurting the kids they are hired to protect over petty arguments with their employers and personally I need something positive to focus on.  I need 2013 to be different.  We all need 2013 to be different.  Let's make it different.